Trans Day of Visibility: ‘I'm really, really happy being me.’

News

Today (31 March) is Trans Day of Visibility which celebrates transgender and non-binary people, and raises awareness of the challenges they face, such as discrimination.

The collage image you see includes people with a variety of identities, representing that we are all one and the same: people trying to live our lives.

To mark this important date, we interviewed two trans people from within the facilities management profession: Samantha West, a 56-year-old trans woman; and Azekai Siapth, a 23-year-old trans man.

Firstly, can you tell us a bit about yourself?

Azekai: ‘I am a marketing assistant at Pareto FM and a bar supervisor when I am not working my nine-to-five. I grew up in Reading, and now I move back and forth between Reading and London. I’m a very creative person, so I love everything fashion, music and art related. I plan to design and release a brand of my own in the near future.’

Samantha: ‘I'm the commercial director for VINCI Facilities. I grew up in Nottingham and moved to many places before settling with family in Great Missenden. I moved out of our family home to transition, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Now I live in Berkhamsted which is far enough away from the children so I would not be seen by anyone they know, but near enough that I can visit in male mode.

‘In my spare time, I enjoy skiing, walking, pubs, socialising, occasionally sailing – I used to do it a lot - and making my house a home.’

Can you tell us about how you came to understand and accept that you are trans?

Azekai: ‘I didn’t know from an early age. Yes, I played football and was your typical tomboy, but it wasn’t until after I came out as a gay female that something still didn’t feel right. Around that time, trans stories and voices were being aired more on TV and online. After watching a documentary, something clicked. From then on, I made the switch from she/her to he/him.’

Samantha: ‘When I was growing up, there was no information at all. As a teenager I used to dress up, wondering what it would be like, but put this down to being weird and buried it. I lived a conventional life with a wife, two kids, a lovely house, work, etc., but I kept going back to it.

‘My wife was worried, so we agreed that I needed to see a specialist. Perhaps the healthcare services could help. I saw a consultant at St Mary’s Paddington and began a series of counselling sessions. He was based in a sexual health clinic and it didn’t seem right, but it was all I had. It was nice to tell him my stories, how I felt, but it seemed to be going nowhere.

‘Then I went to a Trans event in Manchester called Sparkle. I went to a beauticians in High Wycombe, drove there dressed as a woman, checked in to a hotel as Samantha Brown and spent 3 day as her! It was fantastic. I met like-minded people and kept going for several years running. I began to learn about specialist consultants, facial feminisation surgeons. Most of all, I learnt I was not alone, and something really could be done that was potentially life changing.’

How did you feel when you accepted it?

Azekai: ‘The road to self-acceptance wasn’t a straightforward or an easy one. It took years to become confident in the identity that I had found, but when I found peace with it I became so much happier. Seeing how it positively impacted every aspect of my life made me realise how worthwhile it was to keep pushing to learn and understand myself.’

Samantha: ‘I felt very happy and really comfortable with myself. But I was also worried about the challenges that it was going throw up. Would I still have my job? Would my family and friends disown me? I believed on balance that it wouldn't go like that, but it played on my mind as the worst-case scenario.

‘Ultimately, I got accepted everywhere. By my parents, my kids. I’m still friends with my ex-wife and work has been great. Engaging with other companies, business-to-business, it’s always been totally respectful. But there should be more support for families who are affected by a loved one transitioning.

‘So, it's mixed feelings, but overall, I get an enormous feeling of wellbeing from being who I am and I'm just happy that I'm actually me dealing with it, not somebody else. I'm really, really happy being me. I wouldn't have it any other way.’

Transitioning is known to be a complex and lengthy process. How was it for you and were there any aspects of it which surprised you?

Azekai: ‘It was most certainly complex. I came out as trans at 16 and I could not go ahead with being referred to a gender identity clinic without support. So, I waited until I was 17 and referred myself.

‘It was difficult to feel like I was not taken seriously because I was just a teenager. It took two years to even receive an appointment with a clinician. Seven years later, I have undergone fertility preservation, began hormones, but still the waiting lists for surgery are painfully long, so I am seeking that privately.

‘It was surprising how much you feel like you have to prove your transness to cis medical professionals. The waiting lists for a first appointment in the UK are from six years.’

Samantha: ‘It's like it turns your world upside down, but you have to cope with it the best you can. Medically, it's complex because you have to go through counselling and checks to make sure you’re doing the right thing. The drugs and hormones for your change. Lots of surgeries for about three years that changed me completely from head to foot. And then how you socialise and integrate into society as a transgender individual.

‘When I wanted to go into the workplace, I decided to make myself look better because I felt I wasn’t good enough and I wanted to be the best I possibly could, so I had facial feminisation surgery and that really added to my confidence. But it was all very difficult.’

What do you see as some of the main issues facing trans people today?

Azekai: ‘Accessing healthcare on the NHS. As the waiting list times increase by a dangerous amount, trans people are being left to illegally source hormones, their mental health is not being taken seriously, and surgically transitioning is becoming near impossible if you do not have the privilege to access this privately. Due to the neglect of trans people’s mental health, it’s difficult for us to maintain stable jobs, relationships and living situations.’

Samantha: ‘There are loads of issues facing trans people today. Misgendering generally. When you get misgendered, all the self-doubt starts flooding back into your head about "Am I good enough?" It brings all sorts of mental torture.

'Social exclusion. Loneliness is a big one if they’re excluded or have to move away. It can be a really lonely place being trans.

‘I also have some research that was shared in the LGBT+ in FM group. 24% of trans people are not open at all with family members, excluding partners. 56% of trans people avoid expressing their gender identity for fear of negative reactions. 41% of trans people have experienced a hate crime or incident. And for LGBT+ stats more generally in the property industry, 34% are discriminated at work.’

What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with their identity?

Azekai: ‘Explore the community more, find spaces or events where you will be surrounded by people in the community. Watch documentaries and films where you can see people who look like you, who you can relate to. Read books written by trans people, for trans people. And most importantly take your time in understanding yourself; the journey of understanding your identity is longwinded, but also very beautiful.’

Samantha: ‘The advice that’s available isn’t the best, so don't be afraid to ask the professionals every single question about every single bit of your physicality, how it's going to get affected, your mental health, everything. And when you come out at work, I think it’s helpful to include a photo of yourself because people can conjure up all sorts of images in their mind sometimes.’

Happy Trans Day of Visibility from IWFM! We see you and welcome you.